Professional "Dieting" isn't for the weak.

Been there - done that - got the t-shirt. I can say I've tried it. I've been on a lot of the decent and more than a few flat-out crazy "diets" that are out there. The Grapefruit Diet, Weight Watchers, South Beach, Slim-Fast, Atkins, Fat Flush, Blood Type, Master Cleanse, Sugar Busters, etc, etc. Some have been bland, boring and rather nauseating. Some have been confusing. Some were expensive. Quite a few worked for the first 2-3 weeks and made me say, "Wow! This is finally IT". I would lose up to 12 pounds, making me question the need to purchase a smaller sized pair of jeans. Then it would all just stall out and I'd plateau ... or be so disgusted that I couldn't eat another "(fill in diet food here)" or I might scream!

What all the "diets" had in common is that they didn't really provide nourishment. I was counting calories and obsessed with grams of protein, fat, and carbs (macronutrients) - but I wasn't paying any attention to vitamins and minerals (micronutrients). I would eat *anything* if it was low fat or low carb. It could taste like cardboard, or chemicals, or shoe leather, as long as it didn't contain fat or carbs, then - measure it carefully - and plop it on my plate.

I would start these diets (always on a Monday!) and be fully committed to following the rules. I was a diet warrior. When each diet would fail then I'd go back to my stand-by setting. Don't eat. I was good at it. I ate one meal a day - only dinner

I had to feed the kids and I had a husband who would notice if I didn't eat, so I always ate dinner. My mind-set was "why on earth should I eat when I have all this fat hanging around? If I just don't put food in then it should eat away at my belly and thighs". It seemed remarkably logical to me. 500 or less calories a day? Who could stay obese on that? Logic turned into starvation. I was a starving fat woman. My body was holding on to every little calorie or fat gram that I rationed for it. I was not giving myself a chance to be healthy with such a severe lack of nutrients. When I think back on all of the faux "phood" substances that I've consumed in the name of dieting ... it is less than shocking that I ended up morbidly obese.

We are conditioned, as a society, to believe that thin is beautiful. Slender is lovely. That example is everywhere ... tv, movies, magazines. I have spent so much of my life wishing that I could look like so-and-so. She is so pretty and thin ... she can wear all those cute outfits ... she must feel happy all the time ... just give me a day in that skinny body and I'd be happy too.

But now I know that Health is beautiful. Vibrancy is lovely. Finally at 33 I have awakened from the dream of being like "her". I want to be me! But the healthiest and most alive version of me. I may not ever be a size 6 ... but I will be a beautiful, vibrant woman that clawed her way out of a sick mind and a sick body. And I will be qualified to share my story and learnings with others who, just like me, are desperately seeking wellness and health.

So adieu to dieting and starvation ... and hello to nourishment!

(Citrus photo by Suat Eman)

(Fork photo by Grant Cochran)