Okay ... so true confessions ... All of that posting about finally being ready to nourish myself? I guess I wasn't ready! For years now I've felt that need or longing to be completely loving to my body. To properly feed, care for, and de-stress this one and only temple I've been given. Intentions are lovely ... but application is vital.
Shutting down my engines with autoimmune flares, struggling with single mom stressors and earthshaking health crisis of a loved one - can overwhelm all those good intentions and tend to show you what you're made of. I was not pleased with what I saw. I dropped every ball that was related to self care while I juggled all the others with more ferver.
Now that my Dad is done with all the rounds of radiation and has moved on to five days per month on chemo -he's feeling a lot more normal (other than fatigue). I, however have been feeling worse with daily headaches added to my lengthy symptoms list. Time to listen up and pay attention to that siren sounding from my poor body!
Standing in line at Home Goods (I seriously love that place) I struck up a conversation with a woman - this is a common occurrence - I've never met a "stranger". We chatted about the store (she loves it too) and I asked her what kind of work she does. Accupuncture and other Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) practice! One of the few avenues I've never traveled down in search of this elusive health and well being I long for. I felt that rush when you recognize something has just been gifted to you (divinely) and I asked her for her business card. I called her the following day and made an appointment for the next week. Exciting!
Meanwhile my headaches got worse and progressed to the first migraines I've ever had. The - hide in the dark wishing the world would be quiet and go away or I'll throw up from this head splitting pain - kind of migraines. I have new found empathy and even more compassion for migraine sufferers now.
I went to the School of Google to beg for answers as to why I had this new painful symptom. Gluten? Stress? Caffeine? (No because I'd given up my diet coke vice) ... Could it be food allergies? That looked like a strong possibility so I found a local Naturopathic doctor that offered food allergy testing. Another appointment made for the following week. So my headaches (which lasted 8 days) and I, waited patiently. Hah. Well - we waited.
My desire for finding wellness has once again been pushed to the front of the line. How will we (especially women) thrive in our busy and hectic lives if we don't give to ourselves - like we are always willing to give to others? That reasoning that you need to put on your own oxygen mask first and then help your child/family/friend/neighbor/community etc etc etc. How have we really been giving so fully to others when we're running on empty?
I'm setting the intention to fill up my own "tank" ... and it's from the overflowing goodness that we can freely share with others. No running ourselves ragged and being the martyr! Fill ourselves with care and love and nourishment - then we can spread all that goodness around.
So here's my admission - that I have NOT been giving care to myself. I do consider all of my bumps in the road - not as failure (ick!) - they are more ways that I'm gaining understanding of myself and the world around me. I'm in training. I think we all are - or should be. Learning and practicing and making adjustments to get a better outcome. Right now I'm focussing on nourishment training!